I love good stories. Some
of the best stories are written for children.
They are wonderfully simple and deeply complex at the same time. This is the first blog in a series of blogs
about the lessons within one of my favorite children’s stories.
Are you familiar with the children’s fairy tale “The Ugly
Duckling” by Hans Christian Andersen?
It’s about a mother duck with several baby ducks who live together on a
farm with many other animals. One of her
babies is larger, taller, and isn’t cute like the others. They call him the “ugly duckling”, and he’s
bullied by all the other animals. The
mother duck tries to protect her ugly duckling, but he’s shy and scared so runs
away. Everywhere he goes, the animals he
meets don’t know what to do with him. None
ever saw a duckling as large and tall as he or as un-cute. He ends up far from the farm, lonely, scared,
and homeless. One day, the ugly duckling
sees several swans fly by. He had never
seen swans before. They are beautiful,
graceful, large, and strong. The sight
of them makes his heart beat faster, and he can’t take his eyes off them until
they are far, far away.
Many long and lonely months go by. One day, the scared ugly duckling spots
several swans nearby on a lovely pond. He
hides in the tall grasses and watches as they gently and gracefully swim
through the water as if floating above it.
The ugly duckling builds up all his courage and decides to swim over to
them. He’s eager to see these beautiful creatures
up close. As they see him coming, the
swans seem to be thrilled and excited and quickly swim over to meet him! When they reach the ugly duckling, they happily
welcome him and are kind and gentle to him.
The ugly duckling doesn’t understand why these beautiful swans are so
nice to him; no one has ever treated him that way before. Feeling uncomfortable with all the attention,
he hangs his head and tries to hide under his wing. As he’s looking down, he sees his own
reflection in the pond. He can’t believe
what he sees! He doesn’t see an ugly
duckling at all. He sees he is a beautiful,
graceful, large and strong swan himself.
He was never an ugly duckling.
While there are many life lessons woven throughout this
wonderful story, this is what I believe to be the most important: Find the TRUTH about Yourself
The mother duck and baby ducks thought they knew the truth
about the large, tall, not so cute creature.
When they labeled him an “ugly duckling”, they were wrong. They didn’t know what a baby swan looked like
so spoke from what they believed about themselves. Instead of love and compassion, the animals
chose the path of bullying to deal with this different creature. The “ugly duckling” didn’t know he was really
a baby swan, so he believed the defeating and limiting labels given him. We humans do the same thing. We believe defeating and limiting labels
others give us: not good enough, unlovable, never amount to anything, ugly. Defeating and limiting labels don’t have to define
you. Test those labels.
- Look at who is labeling you. If the person doesn’t know much about you, then the defeating and limiting labels are probably more about them. By definition, bullies want to tear you down in an attempt to feel good about themselves. It’s not about you at all. It’s not the truth.
- Surround yourself with people who build you up. People who spend time with you, laugh with you, and listen to you are people who want the best for you. Hang onto what they say about you, and put many of these people in your life.
- Reduce your time with people who tear you down. Sometimes, we can’t avoid people who tear us down: maybe it’s family, classmates, co-workers, or neighbors. There are ways to deal with these people. Choose carefully when to be around them, and learn to kindly say ‘no’. Decide in advance how to gracefully excuse yourself from their presence; and allow yourself to take a break from them whenever you need to. The truth is there are people we must exclude from our lives because they are poisonous to us, even if they are family. Build up the emotional strength to do so with compassion.
- Be aware of believing defeating and limiting labels. Pay attention to how you talk to and feel about yourself. Be mindful of any defeating and limiting labels, and correct them. When you are unsure, talk to the people who really know you and want the best for you. Ask for honesty and truth.
In our story, sadly, the “ugly duckling” had to remove
himself from the only family he knew because they tore him down. He didn't have my blog to help him, so he didn't know how to test the defeating and limiting
labels. He finally found a group of animals who built him up ... the swans. Only then, did he realize he was never an ugly
duckling, and he is a beautiful swan!
If you'd like help with getting rid of defeating and limiting labels or with finding your truth, consider contacting a mental health professional, such as me. You'll be amazed at what a difference it can make.
